Really quick.

Alright, so last night at the theatre, I saw a preview for Where The Wild Things Are, and I was shocked! I had no idea that it had been made into a movie! My shock has turned into wild-anticipation. I think that I will celebrate its coming out by wearing a "wild-thing" costume of sorts.

I was thinking of just going somewhere and walking around. Not sure where I'd go. San Antonio is closer, but Ian said that I'd be silly to do that alone. I don't really want to drive all of the way to Austin just to walk around. But I think that's what I'm going to do, actually. So, I guess I should get dressed and wash my face or something.

The other night, I dreamed that I was on a picnic bench that was flying like on a roller coaster. And I was really high up in the air, and there was a plane that was crashing. And we all fell out of our picnic bench. It was an unexpected nightmare. Last night I dreamed that I was home, living in my old bedroom, cleaning it. There were old, glass bottles all over the place. And I was going to go out with my friend Josh, except he just wanted to make-out all night. That was weird. Then I was stuck in a grocery store, and my boss from Starbucks was trying to make me clean out all of the old bread (like Sherry would do at Mike & Rosy's) but I couldn't because my socks weren't long enough.

The other day at work, one of the managers told me that I needed to start standing up for myself more. Ugh. Whatever. Although, I will say this-- I've come a long way in a short time. I'm not nearly as door-mat-y as I was not too long ago. Its just... Well, I'm still kind of.. Something. Its frustrating. (To those that get frustrated with me because of it, imagine how I feel.)

There are certain things about my attitude that has changed over the last few months. I've always been known to be extremely punctual. (You know, showing up 15-20 minutes early) But recently, I've taken to showing up 2-4 minutes late. Its small, but its big for me.

Right now, I'm enjoying lists, iced-coffee, chess, big-ian-shirts, red, random-play, talk radio, spinach, grape tomatos, red wines, womanly perfume, and rolled jeans. Not all at this moment, but just generally and recently.

A brief "!!!"

• Tonight, I'm going to see Harry Potter & The Half-Blooded Prince. I'm a bit late, I know. And everyone I know has been trying to spoil it for me. I'm pretty excited. And its not just about the movie, either. The company is going to be wonderful, as well.
• That said, I have a three-day weekend ahead of me. I'm particularly grateful, because tomorrow will be my first day off in (count 'em) 60 days. I kid you not. Fridays are my least favorite day of the week, usually. But not this one. I am so excited, that I'm not even sure what I'm going to do with myself tomorrow.
  
• It smells like rain, right now. That's wonderful news for me (and more so for my little garden.) because my car needs a washin'. :o)
  
• I've been paying extra-particular attention to what I've been eating this week. My big splurge is always my coffee in the morning. (I absolutely refuse to give that up, haha.) I've thought about keeping a food-diary, but I have a feeling that doing so would be counterproductive. Its like... "I had one chocolate chip cookie for breakfast today, because it broke, and then felt bad, so I skipped lunch..." or something equally terrible. I'm such a guilty eater!
  
• I'm almost done reading The Plague by Camus. I've kept it as my "I'm going to bed" book, because its compelling enough to keep me interested, but definitely not enough to keep me awake. After this, I'll probably start I Know This Much To Be True by Wally Lamb. I have no idea what its about, or anything of the sort.
  
• Have you heard the new Regina album? It came out last month, and I'm still raving about it.
  
• Katie-bell and I giggled about going to see Matt Nathanson play in Corpus in September. Now, that I'm going to Vegas in October, I don't know how feasible it would be to do so. But damn, I'd love to go!
  
• Mmm, Vegas!
  

Five things:

1- I picked up my copy of Neruda's poetry, and the second poem that I read was "The Dream". Its so very perfect for the entire reason I picked it up. (The first was "You Would Come".) Both of those poems are from The Captain's Verses. And as I read through the rest of that particular collection, each is very perfect for this moment.

2- I've never quit anything in my life. (People don't count; they're more than just things.) The one time I tried to quit something, I was told no. But I did this past weekend. Let me tell you, its a terrible feeling to just throw in the towel and admit defeat. Admit ineptitude and inability. And all of those other things as well. I'm pretty down and out about it all at the moment.

3- On the other hand, I'm very happy about the time I will have now. For the past seven months, my life has been a constant buzz. There has really been no quiet time. No peace. Just movement, and noise. I plan on using this time to get my passions back.

4- The new Regina album is wonderful. However, I'm still stuck on Matt Nathanson. I hope it remains so. There's something particularly brilliant about Some Mad Hope.

5- I've become a real live, actual adult. And I hate that. Not so much the responsibility, but the emotional despondency. That part bugs me.

Between money management and laundry.

You know what?

I grab a blank sheet of paper, thinking that something-anything- will come of it. And nothing happens.

Its so frustrating!

I look at my apartment, and cringe. It doesn't look like me at all. Well, except for the cats.
But I mean...

I remember when I used to be creative. It was like there was this... constant flow of creativity. And now, I'm grown up and I've got responsibilities, and I have bills, and, and, and, and.

Since I've moved here, I've forced myself to be more social. Because being in Nashville was just depressing. I handled that so horribly. But here, I've made conscious efforts to make friends and "hang out" and do things. Other than sit in my empty apartment while watching the sun's rays trace the walls.

So far, so good.

I "discovered" this amazing little shop in New Braunfels. Water 2 Wine. Omgggg. Seriously, amazing. Well, the owner, Kelly, insisted that I go to her hair-stylist while I was on my way to another stylist.
Best decision I've ever EVER ever made.
Never in my life have I received so many compliments about my hair before. Although, I guess it helps that its all nice and blondish again.

Oh, and have you heard the new Regina Spektor album? Its frickin' amazing!

Ian, Ryan, and Andrew got me a kitten for my birthday (yeah, I don't think that they realized that my birthday is in November....), and I decided to name her Sophie. She has acclimated very nicely with the other two kitties. She has such a loud personality. She is so fearless.

I kind of love her.

And then on a different note, I hate that work #1 has become like sushi to me.

Lately-

Lately, I've felt like a tide.
Coming and going.
Sort of.

My fate cannot be mastered; it can only be collaborated with and thereby, to some extent, directed. Nor am I the captain of my soul; I am only its noisiest passenger.

-Aldous Huxley

I don't know where I found this quote.
But, I feel as if this perfectly summarizes me.
Well, as best as a single quote can.

Not Titled.

• I shaved my legs for the first time in a month last night. I so often feel like the not-so-ordinary-woman. I remember when I was younger, and shaving my legs felt like some unreachable rite of passage. What a difference ten, nine, eight years makes.
• I'm going home. Well, not for another week and a half. Its been almost one year since I last saw Springfield. (And Yellow Springs, too) I'm pretty excited. Nervous. But excited.
• One of my goals for the last month was to be a nicer person. Nicer, in that I wasn't so betchy at work. (Yes, betchy.) I am quite proud of myself, with how I've handled the stresses of my job without taking it out on the people I work with and for. Put that in my file, boss!
• Ian and I have been together for almost two years now. The other night we started talking about things, which in turn got me thinking about things. Commitment is such a tricky thing. Even after so many years and so many different relationships, I'm still learning.
  

It was beautiful, but Semec Champey was so long ago.

I was swimming, and the water was crystal clear. And warm. It was very lovely all around. My bag was carelessly left unattended. We noticed that unfortunately when we had finished. He was sweet about it. I was clad in only my bikini, and barefooted. The walk was very long. And the looks!



We took an underwater-cave tour. My candle wouldn't stay lit. I jumped into the water. I was so scared. There was no way to know the depth of the water. That was one of the bravest moments of my life. Silly, right?



I was younger. I didn't know about the things I know now. We were selfish and all too willing. But it was so beautiful.